Worst Nightmare

Well, where do I honestly begin. I was oh, I don't know fifteen when this happened. I was but a piece of the background only able to watch as this, "monster" in human clothing was creating chaos.  Everywhere it went, I had to follow, and watch.  Watch as everyone I knew or had even just barely met were being killed in front of me.  I couldn't do anything but watch and scream in silence.  I tried to tell them to run, yet no one could hear me.  I had no idea who the man was for they had on a hood that darkened out their face.  All I could see was that when he would or was about to kill someone he would gain this wicked smile where all you could see was the glint off his teeth as he stained himself and his surroundings with blood.  He would tear people apart, cut them up, shoot them, the methods this killer had seemed to be unlimited.  When he had moved on to people I was much more familiar with such as my closer friends, I kept screaming, yelling for them to run, yet still no reaction.  When the stranger had approached them I noticed that they seemed to recognize the man; not as a known killer but as if he was a regular man.  I kept thinking and thinking of who the person could be, yet I could think of nothing.  I tried to turn around, tried to close my eyes, yet I was forced to watch the horrendous sight of this man killing all my friends.  By this point I was in tears, yet it would only get worse.  As the man moved on to his next victims, wiping the blood of my friends off of himself and just leaving the bodies where they were slain, he went next to my family.  My mom, my dad, and my brother.  When he entered the house my family was there waiting for their end.  While I could visibly see how terrified they were, in my parents eyes I could see what appeared to be disappointment hiding behind the terror.  Why? why would my parents have that in their eyes? They were disappointed in their killer and in themselves.  As the man was killing them and their blood was being splattered and sprayed throughout the room, I was thinking, and had come to a conclusion I had wished never to be true.  The tears I had kept falling as I realized who the killer truly was.  There was still a possibility that I was wrong and I hoped and hoped that I was wrong.  Finally, I saw the man wipe some of the splattered blood off of the mirror and my question was answered.  I was the killer.  All those people who had died had died by my own hand.  While I was watching myself in the mirror I noticed that all of a sudden I was in control of my own body again.  With the gun still in my hand I shakily held it up to my head and kept chanting the same words.  Starting at a whisper and gradually turning into yelling I kept repeating the words, "I'm Sorry.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. God forgive me." I pulled the trigger and woke up screaming.  I was crying so much.  I felt so fatigued.  I couldn't believe what I had done.  Be in a dream or not.  To know that any one can become a killer even yourself is a truly horrifying fact.  To learn what it feels like to be so disgusted at yourself for what you had thought you had done.  This dream, this nightmare I could honestly say was something that changed my life.  I look around in life and am thankful that what I saw was just a dream.  I'm thankful that I have a good family, a good home, good friends, and a good life.  The fact that I have even the slightest feeling of what it would be to kill those I know is all the more of a fact of why I would never do that.  The horror and guilt I felt welled up inside of me for days.  My family was fine, my friends were okay, and I was a sane, and logical man again.  Through this nightmare, I have learned to appreciate who I am, and who my friends and family are more knowing what I or anyone for that matter could become under severe mental trauma, problems and the likes.  This nightmare might have been a scar, but for it to be there, reminds me of why joking around of killing so many people is not a joke.  It is a horrifying and terrible thing which only results in pain.